PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE DIFFUSION
Rhino Party runs candidates in 9 out of 10 provinces and Leader in winnable riding
Rhino Headquarters – Saint-Donat-de-Rimouski-doo – August 19th, 2019 – The Leader of the Rhinoceros Party of Canada, Sébastien CoRhino, announces the party will run candidates in 9 out of 10 provinces! “We’re writing a complete platform. We will have between 80 and 100 candidates. This is the biggest Rhino campaign since 1984, and I will win this election, since I chose a winnable riding! Just watch me!” announced the Dealer of the party!
Rhino Dealer chooses winnable riding
Sébastien CoRhino continues his speech: “You know, the Rhino Party is 55 years old. We’ve had hundreds of candidates. We’ve had half a million votes. But we never elected a Member of Parliament! I’ve decided that, in 2019, the Rhino Dealer has to get elected! I will defeat a liberal minister! Jean-Yves Duclos, in Québec city, won with 29% of the votes! That’s a joke! 71% of people voted against him! So I’m gonna win against Duclos!” said the Dealer in front of a Horny crowd.
“I will defeat a liberal minister!” – CoRhino
Leader’s Debate… inconstitutional?
“For the first time in Canadian History, Leader’s debate is organized with public money. And they only invite 5 Leaders, out of 16 political parties? Is this constitutional?” asked the Rhino Dealer. “No, it’s not! And I’m gonna go to Supreme Court with that! 6 millions dollars are spent on that debate, and Canadians deserve the right to see all of the Leaders in this debate! I’m gonna fight till the end to win this fight. I will win in Court, and win this Debate, and I will be the next Prime Minister of Canada!” yelled CoRhino in front of the crowd hoarding “CoRhino! CoRhino! CoRhino!”
Rhino Candidates all over the place
The Rhino Party will have candidates from East to West, from North to South! “From Vancouver Island to New Found Land, we have candidates! We have like 10 in BC and 20 in Ontario – I’ve never seen that! I might have someone in 1 or 2 territories, to be confirmed. This election is CRAZY!”
“The Rhino Party will have more candidates than the Bloc Québécois!”
Promises for 2019
The Party has not published its full platform, but we have a brand new platform for 2019!
Excerpts:
- With the massive data breach from Desjardins and Capital One, a Rhino Government will offer a new name and a new date of birth for every Canadian who will ask for it! Also, every newborn will need to have a minimum of 12 letters in their first name, and must include a number and a special character!
We’re slowly releasing our Green Plan, here are some parts of it!
- To increase carpooling, a Rhino Government will install the brake pedal on the passenger side!
- Green cars are not available in great quantity, and we can see it in the streets of Canada. A Rhino Government will make an obligation for car makers to build more green cars: dark green, light green, neon green, 2004-ford-ranger-green! There are way too many grey cars in our streets right now!
- A Rhino Government will shorten Canadian Winter by making December, January and February 28 days long, flat rate. The 6 days left (7 days on a leap year) will be given as summer vacations! A Rhino Government will work for the middle class and mental health!
- To create a “Canada Uni”, a Rhino Prime Minister, Sébastien CoRhino, will throw out every province who did not sign the Constitution of Canada! List of provinces which did not sign the constitution: Québec.
Rhino Party?
Rhino Party is now 55 years old! Founded in 1963 by Jacques Ferron, the Rhinoceros Party of Canada had famous candidates like Guy Laliberté, Robert Charlebois, François “Yo” Gourd, Richard Z. Sirois, Raôul Duguay, Gaston Miron, Monique Chartrand, Mara Tremblay, etc…
