Our Platform

National Defense




With national defense being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government will take the necessary steps to modernize the Canadian military and protect our country’s interests.  All service personnel will be provided with iPhone 16 Pro Max cellular devices.  Unless the election is called after the next two weeks, then we will provide them with  iPhone 17s Ultra Max Military Grade.

Economy

With the economy being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, the party is proposing several measures to reduce the tax burden on taxpayers:

  • a Rhinoceros Government will open tax havens in all provinces! Tax havens will keep foreign funds “local” and generate an influx 2 trillion dollars annually;
  • by 2026, the party pledges to complete the privatization of the Senate initiated by previous governments;
  • we will fill the coffers of the crown by allowing advertising in the Senate and the House of Commons.

Education

Education being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to eliminating waste and providing quality education to all Canadians by enacting the following measures:

  • Replace teachers on leave with cardboard cutouts of famous Canadians;
  • Franchise all schools to Tim Hortons so they can provide co-op training in schools;
  • Bubble wrap all students when they arrive at school to eliminate the costly lawsuits arising from students tripping over their own feet.

Employment

Employment being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to doing everything we can to make life easier for Canadian workers.

  • Citizens wanting a job will be given one!  A Rhinoceros Party government will give a job to anyone that can not qualify for job in the private sector a job as a senator.
  • In our first 100 days, we will rewrite the Labour Code in order to add one holiday per month on either a Friday or Monday;
    • April 1st, the birthday of the party leader will also become a paid holiday for all workers, no exceptions;
    • Employers will be forbidden to schedule work day after any federal or provincial holiday unless that holiday falls on February 29th;
  • Work related accidents will be reduced in factories by wrapping all workers in bubble wrap.

Green Plan

The environment being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we will make sure to protect the territories of the federation that are not yet the property of a foreign multinational and to tackle global warming with the following scientifically sound policies:

  • to promote carpooling, we will make sure that the brake pedal is now installed on the passenger side of all vehicles;
  •  a Rhinoceros Government will require all cars sold in Canada to be green cars.  Consumers can opt for forest green, pale green, khaki green and neon green.
  • all existing vehicles on the road will need to become green vehicles by 2027.  The federal government will subsidise do it yourself paint kits;
  • Scientists predict that global warming will threaten the existence of human beings in 20 years. A Rhinoceros Government promises to reduce the wait time to 10 years
  • In order to reduce global warming  all citizens will be required to leave their windows open in the summer and to operate the air conditioning to the maximum;

Justice

Justice being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government will take the necessary steps to ensure law and order in Canada with these judice prudence policies:

  • In the interests of equity among all Canadian provinces, we will apply the War Measures Act to the 9 provinces that did not enjoy have the privilege in October 1970 or February 2022;
  • To improve freedom of choice, accused persons can opt to have their criminal cases decided by a judge, a jury of their peers, a jury of their superiors or a jury of their inferiors;
  • Justice should be swift.  All federal cases will be heard on a bullet train after the line between St. John and Vancouver is built.

Canadian Heritage

Since Canadian Heritage is THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to defending Canadian values ​​and promoting our history.  These policies will ensure social cohesion amongst all Canadians:

  • Make “Sorry” the official motto of Canada;
  • Nationalize back bacon;
  • to make Canada more egalitarian all maps will be redrawn so that provinces are rectangles like Saskatchewan;
  • Make illiteracy the third official language of Canada

International Relations

International Relations being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government will take the necessary steps to restore Canada’s image on the international stage.  Any Canadian appearing on an international stage MUST go through makeup and wardrobe first.

Global Polarization

Following the Trudeau government’s woeful inaction, the magnetic pole migrated from Canada to Russia. The Rhinoceros Party Party will bring it back to our territory.

We’ll handle diplomatic appointments in a non-partisan way. All ambassador positions will now be sold to the highest bidders.

Our ambassador to the UN will propose measures that eliminate polarization by requiring all countries to discharge their static.

Health

Health being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we promise that all citizens will get their money’s worth when it comes time to enjoy free healthcare.  This will be accomplished by:

  • we will reduce emergency room wait times by removing the batteries from all clocks in waiting areas;
  • to address the shortage of doctors and nurses, our party will provide steroids to all employees to increase their performance;
  • funds be allocated for the development of vaccines that don’t include microchips in them.

Public Safety

Public Safety being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government is committed to making the necessary efforts to ensure safety from coast to coast to coast with these measures:

  • the Rhinoceros Party is committed to providing a new name and a new date of birth to citizens who are victims of identity theft.  Plastic surgery will be optional;
  • to increase the safety of Canadian children, newborns’ first names must be at least 12 letters, including a capital letter, a number, and a special character and unique to them;
  • the National Emergency Alert system will have a new grey alert.  Grey alerts will be broadcast to all cell phones whenever senior citizens get lost or lose it:
  • Full PPE will be required by all persons before they are allowed to leave their home.  PPE at home will remain at the discretion of the residents but is encouraged.

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